Loving the Widow

This might be the hardest post I've ever shared. My heart is out here in the open for you sweet blog friends. Being vulnerable is hard for me. You'll see my pain, bitterness, unwilling heart and ultimately my need for Jesus. Thanks in advance for your sweet encouraging words and prayers. Y'all are the best. 

One of the reasons for my extended absence was trying to get things sorted out with my family. Recently my Grandmother fell and was admitted into a rehabilitation center. And with my family nothing can happen without some serious drama.

I won't go into details but essentially I found out about all of this late in the game and when everyone else was tired of dealing with it. The responsibility fell to me.

I became the "family contact" and had to start asking questions like "What's the difference between assisted living and independent living" "Medicare or medicaid?" and "What's the next step?"

The burden of caring for my grandmother fell to me.

Now I want this to be clear, I didn't ask to become responsible. In all honesty I don't really want to be responsible. Heck, I'm only 22. I don't even know anything about my own insurance how am I supposed to figure out someone else's?

Soon after everything happened I was crying and asking God why? Why me? What do you want me to do?

And God faithfully reminded me of his word:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

And I knew. I knew it's my duty, not only just as a family member but as the only Christian in my family, to care for my elderly grandmother. It doesn't matter how I feel or if I want to or not, God's word commands it.

And I'm choosing to obey. I am choosing to glorify God by loving my grandma. By laying aside my own desires and serving her.

I'm leaving my great little apartment and moving into her basement. Hands-on loving.

Don't get me wrong, this is not something I want to do. In fact I really don't want to do it. But I know it's God's will because it's in His Word. I know my purpose in life is to display God's glory and I can glorify Him most in this situation by obeying Him and caring for my grandma.

I can already see that this season (oh yes. It's just a season. I'm not moving in with her forever) is going to test my faith in new ways. I am in desperate need of Jesus to live through me because it's so easy for me to be selfish, impatient, unkind and uncaring. Every day I see my need for Him more and more.

But I've also already seen how God is going to use me in my grandmother's life as well as the lives of her friends. I've already had the chance to share the gospel a few times and it's been less than a week.

I know this will be hard. Maybe the hardest thing yet. But I know it's good because God is good and His word says it's good. And whoever said good things aren't hard?

So precious friends, please pray for me. Pray that my heart would find joy in serving. Pray that I would display the fruit of the Spirit. Pray that I would be a light to my dark family and they would see Jesus. Pray that God would be glorified.

Love you guys.

In my effort to gain a thankful heart:
27. Sweet friends who hug me just when I need
28. A loving church family
29. Wise wise words from my Pastor
30. A healthy and delicious lunch
31. Quelf with friends
32. Conversations that swing from movie quotes to defending the unborn to mice to discipleship
33. Being able to save money by living with my grandmother
34. Family that helped me move and friends that offered
35. A long skype date with my sweet friend who lives in Indonesia
36. Promises in God's word that even the hard times are good and ordained by him


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