Repentance: Why do I lie?

{This is the second post in a series on Repentance. I'm so glad you can share in what God is teaching me! Make sure to read the first post here to understand where I'm coming from.}


Like I mentioned yesterday, the Lord had been stirring my heart to repent for over a year. But I felt so much shame in my sin, that I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I mentioned a few things here and there to a couple close friends, but I never really let in how much of a problem it really was.

I was terrified of what they thought, which caused me to lie even more about my life.

After much work in my heart, the Lord urged me to get to the bottom of my sin.

I sat down with my journal and asked the question "Why do I lie?"

Let me just say, this wasn't an easy question to ask. It brought up all of my insecurites and fears. It reminded me of just how broken I am. It showed me my desperate need for grace.

And there are many answers to the question "Why do I lie?" but they are all rooted in fear.

I realized my biggest sin was not lying, but rather fearing what others thought of me more than I cared what God thought of me.

When you care more about what people think of you instead of obeying God, that's a problem.

I never thought I was much of a people pleaser. I'm confident (ahem arrogant), self sufficent, strong, independent, etc. I always did my own thing with out really caring what others thought. But right there in my journal I realized that I cared so much about my own image in the eyes of others I was willing to sin to maintain that.

Ouch.

I realized as I was writing out all the reasons I lie, that my own pride and self image had become the most important thing in my life. I was more concerned with not dissapointing others than I was with not dissapointing God.

"For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ." - Galatians 1:10

Living for people over living for God is a sin. Period.

And it causes other sin.

It's like an unraveling sweater.

Oh but once I found the root, once I found the tear in the sweater, I could stop it dead it its tracks.

By the grace of God, I could confront the real problem.

What is the real problem for you? Take a few minutes and journal and ask the Lord - "What is at the root of my sin?"

He will be faithful to show you the root of the problem. And he will be gracious to help you over come. Remember, God never brings up sin just to point and laugh, but rather so that we might find freedom in his arms as we give it over to Him.

Stay tuned for Monday's post - Bringing Sin from Darkness into Light.

Linking up with Faith Filled Fridays

Repentance: a 180 turn from myself to God

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:1-2

So you know how this has been a challenging season for me? Well apart from a bunch of not so great circumstances that are outside of my control, a big chunk of that has been broken fellowship with the Lord.

Broken because of Sin.

A big, nasty, ugly, sin that entagled my heart and hindered my walk.

Lying.

Before I was a believer, lying was so ingrained in my personality that I was actually proud of the fact that I could come up with an elaborate story without even blinking. I lied about big stuff and little stuff. I lied because it was easy, or convenient, or just fun.

When I finally turned to the Lord, He began working out the sin in my life.

I knew that lying was wrong, and I no longer made up huge crazy stories (like saying that I went on a hot air balloon ride just to be a story topper. Seriously!) but I would still lie about little things. Like saying I was caught in traffic when really I just left my house late. Or saying that I had finished something when I hadn't.

About a year ago, (while in full time ministry, mind you) the Lord really started to convict me. I knew what I was saying and doing was wrong but I just couldn't stop. I felt addicted to lying.

I was entangled by sin because my eyes were not fixed on Jesus. (Hebrews 12:1-2) I was looking at myself, at what benefited me most or what felt best to me rather than what was true of God.

When you let feelings and circumstances rule over truth crazy, scary things start happening.

Anyways, the Lord has been poking and proding and drawing me out for the last year. Slowly, I saw my heart change.

And about a month ago I had really given it up to the Lord. I had such a firm grip on my own sin, I needed the Lord to break through my own heart, which He did gladly.

God called me to repentance. And taught me a lot about what repentance really was.

Repentance was a literal 180 degree turn from looking at myself to looking at God.

Our purpose in life is to glorify God, to display his heart and character to the world.

So sin is when we turn from looking at the One who created and sustains us, to looking at ourselves. Repentance is turning away from ourselves and looking toward God. Looking away from our sin and to the character of God.

The Lord was calling me into a 180 turn. He was showing me how when my eyes were fixed on myself, it led to sin. But when my eyes are fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, I was led into righteousness. (not that my actions gain me righteousness as that was purchased by Jesus on the cross, but how I allow Jesus to work through me changes my actions from sinfulness to righteousness)

When we repent, making a 180 turn from looking at ourselves to looking at Jesus, we are able to lose the chains of sin that so easily entagle us.

What chains entangle you today friend? Where are you looking at yourself instead of looking to the Lord?

Take a minute and ask the Lord what He wants you to turn from.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" - 1 John 1:9

Linking up with Thought Provoking Thursdays, Imperfect Prose, and Write It, Girl

Repentance {mini-series}

Oh heyyy blog! I misseeeeed you! My blog-cation has been too long.

So life updates?

I'm back in Denver and ready to hit the trail hard on support raising! I'm only about $500 month away from my goal!! So so close! {if you want more info about it let me know!}

I'm highly confident that the Lord will raise it all by August!

I've taken a liking to working by the pool. It's one of the best perks of working from home.

Durango was so wonderful. I miss my staff family so much already. Aren't we a good looking group?

Anyways friends, how has life been for you?

I hope the answer is wonderful.

The Lord has been doing loads in my heart and I'm so excited to share it. (Although a little nervous too...)

I'm going to do a mini-series on Repentance. But more specifically on how the Lord has recently called me to repent of a sin deeply entwined in my soul. I hope my journey blesses you and you're able to glean wisdom from my mistakes. Won't you join me?