Wednesday, December 4, 2013

On being "The Single Girl"

It's an unexpected and unwanted reality I'm living in. I blog about wading through the waters of single life in an attempt at writing openly. I mentor younger girls and counsel them through their relationships.

I'm not quite sure when or how it happened, but I became "the single girl". Or at least I became "The girl who talks about relationships a lot". Freshman girls in our ministry started asking me for dating advice on the daily. Friends who I haven't spoken to in years tell me how they are encouraged in their singleness. People share my blog posts on facebook.

Don't get me wrong, those aren't bad things. I'm grateful that God is using my life and my words to encourage others. It's humbling.

But if I can just be honest a minute? It's a burden sometimes. And sometimes it's a role I'd rather not fill.

I've asked God "Why me? Why does my singleness have to be lived out in the public?" I can see it clearly, this message God has given me. The words that flow from my fingertips each time I sit down to write about singleness. But it's hard y'all.

It's not fun being known as the single girl. It makes dating more complicated. Somehow I am seen as the "expert" when I'm barely holding my crap together. I become known for my relationship status.

I think that is the crux of what hurts about it. My identity becomes lost in my singleness when really it is dissolved in the person of Christ. I am not my relationship status and neither are you. I am a child of God, bought by the blood of Jesus, freely adopted, redeemed. And if you are trusting Jesus as the mediation between you and God, then so are you.

It's a delicate balance for me, wanting to be used by God as I write about singleness and simultaneously not wanting to be known as the single girl. (I feel like I've written this before...)

Hear this- I'm not going to quit writing about singleness. This isn't some dramatic end to a season that God has clearly called me to. I want to write the message He's given me in my heart. I want to help single women live on mission, focusing on eternal things.

But friends, I just want you to know that it's hard sometimes. I'm no expert on singleness or dating. My life is far from perfect. There are days where I lay in bed until noon watching The Office. I'm living by grace day by day and that is what I want you to see. My greatest desire is that when someone looks at my life they see the overwhelming grace of God pouring out of me, a broken vessel.


  1. I'm so sorry I didn't get ahold of you when I was down on the Front Range, it was a mix of being knocked out from a bad spinal tap and being swamped with the fundraiser.

    Anyway I was talking about a similar topic with friends today (but from an existential view). I still want to get coffee with you and chat, about everything but this especially!

  2. love you, Angi. You're an amazing encouragement during this season that I share with you. Thank you for your honesty about how hard it is, it's easy for others to not see but it's also super easy for us to not admit to ourselves. In my case I dismiss it and make it not as big of a deal as maybe it should be by telling myself I'm just overreacting and need to buck up.

  3. My friend sent me your blog post, and I'm so glad she did! I can resonate with EVERYTHING you said. I just wrote a post on what God is teaching me about my singleness if you wanted to check it out, Hope you're having a great day girly! Thankful for how the Lord is using you.

  4. Oh Amy, I am so blessed to meet you! Read your blog and you truly are a gem! Excited to get to know you more!

  5. Thanks girl! Keep at it. The Lord delights in your singleness and in how you use it to follow him!

  6. Yes! Would love that! Let me know when you are down here next!